


Can you really call it true love if it isn’t with 8 other people?

by BlueBitterness



Category: Undertale (Video Game), my pain and suffering
Genre: Crack Fic, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Reader is weird, Reverse Harem, This can only end well, bc i love it and hate it at the same time, chapters may or may not be short idk it depends on how dumb they are, i am the smart, i updated it to 8 instead of 6 because i forgot i was adding the swapfell(red) bros, oh yeah you better believe i’m jumping on the reverse haram bandwagon, papyrys ALSO has no clue on what he’s doing, reader has no real personality and is mostly dead inside, sans is a dork that doesn’t know what he’s doing, so they cause chaos wherever they are, the skeleton posse is pretty much full of emotionally constipated people with a house keeper, they’re a chaotic neutral/evil to sum it up, which can vary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-11 20:45:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15323949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueBitterness/pseuds/BlueBitterness
Summary: can you owo your way into their hearts?let’s hope not.





	1. talk about getting hooked amirite

**Author's Note:**

> i haven’t posted something here in 2 years so u know i had to do it to em

The day you met Sans had been one of the worst days of your life.

Your parents had just kicked you out for wanting to persue your dreams and go to clown college, you got fired from your job at Malwart because apparently it’s wrong to lick the mascot statue outside the in-store Wcdonalds (is that not how you show affection to your idols???), and on top of that your car broke down outside your (now former) job! All of these unfortunate events feel like they’re a set-up for some horrible fanfiction for crying out loud!

So here you were, smoking a cigarette that you bummed off of a homeless person and leaning against the back wall of a Malwart. “Damn, it really do be like that huh” you chuckle to no one as you press the half-gone cigarette to your lips and inhale.

“heh. i know right? shits tuff”

You nearly choke on the cigarette from sucking it in too hard (ha). “D-dude what the hell?! Don’t sneak up on people like that!” Who the fuck is this guy? Monster?? Skeleton?????? he just appeared outta fucking nowhere? You really need to pay more attention to your surroundings....

“lmao sorry kid, just wanted to ask for some of your uh...services?” 

You tilt your head, “Why the hell’d you pronounce L.M.A.O like tha- wait what services?”

The short skeleton (seriously the dude had to be 5”) twiddled his fingers? Phalanges?? and averts his gaze from you. “uh....heh....you know...?”

“Yeah dude I still don’t understand,” seriously skeleton man get it together.

“lemme put it this way. how would you like another skeleton inside you?”

oh.

Oh.

OHHHHHHHHHHH.

You have to keep yourself from laughing hysterically. “Holy shit did you think I was a prostitute???” Ok, so you failed at keeping the laughter in. You have to clutch your knees in order to keep yourself from falling over. You???? A hooker???? Likely yes, but you’d never stoop to doing it behind a Malwart of all places. It’d at least be behind a Bullseye or something.

The skeleton takes a step back and looks extremely defensive all of a sudden. Awe did you hurt his widdle feewings?

“h-hey kid, c’mon cut me some slack, how was i supposed to know you weren’t a prostitute?”

“Uhh my work uniform??????”

He scans your outfit before looks away again.

“oh.”

“Pfft. Ok then. Names (Y/N) by the way mr. skele-man” you hold out your hand without the cigarette in it and give your least-menacing smile. You feel like gaining this guys trust first all of a sudden instead of immediately fucking with him.

“uh, names sans i guess..” he takes your hand-

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.

are you fucking serious right now.

You look down to were your hands were connected and yep, there was a fucking whoopee cushion sandwiched between your hands. Of course. You look down at him with your most ‘Had it not been for the laws of this land I would have slaughtered you’-esque look you could muster and he shakes it off and laughs. 

“heheheheh, the old whoopee cushion in the hand trick, never gets old.” 

“Do you honest to god think your fun-“ “SANS! HURRY IT UP WITH THE HOOKER ALREADY! MY SPAGHETTI IS GETTING COLD IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.”

The both of you snap your heads towards the bright red sports car the (very loud) voice emitted from. Another skeleton? In a sports car? More likely than you think. Also, he had to refered to his boner(ha) as his spaghetti, and how does one respond to that? Well by playing along of course. 

You put on your most sultry-yet-campy voice you can and yell back, “Just a moment shuga! Me ‘n Sansy over here are still talkin’ things out!” It brings you a slight twinge of joy to watch Sans’ face shift from smug glee too uncomfortable confusion. “uh kid-“ “SANS!!! STOP HOLDING UP OUR NEW HOUSEKEEPER!”

Housekeeper????

Well, now you’re the uncomfortable and confused one. 

Lucky for you, Sans was gracious enough to provide at least some semblance of an explanation. “heh, ok paps,” he calls after the screeching driver and turns back to you, ”funny story really. that’s my bro papyrus, one of my uh, cousins? showed him some...interesting..human videos and now he’s convinced that sex workers and maids are one in the same. isn’t that hilarious?”

You give him a deadpan look. He falters a bit. Good. 

“ah, uh, right. so anyway we’ve been going around town looking for hookers so we could hire them to keep house where we live. i would go and ya’ know, get a trained professional, but my bro’s happier when we do shit his way. so i just roll with it.” He then looks at you with an expectant look. Oh, he wants you to actually consider it. Which you do. It was either this, the streets, begging your parents to let you stay with them, or crawling back to your ex for a place to stay. You grimace at the last to options you thought of, you were never one for begging. You were too used to people begging you.

“....How much would be paid?”

“10,000 a month.”

You nearly hit your head on the brick wall behind you from jerking it up so fast. “Run that by me again??”

“pretty sure i was clear kid. 10,000 a month.”

“I mean yeah I heard you but... why????? HOW???”

“had a lot of gold in the underground, that shits valuable up here apparently”

“No fucking way.....,” you say more to yourself than to Sans. “Ok.”

“ok what?”

“I’ll take the job mr. bonejangles”

For real though, a easy seeming job with good ass pay? You’re definitely taking up this offer for sure.

Plus, meeting these two has sparked something in you you haven’t felt in years. No, it wasn’t any type of desire. It was confusion. An emotion. 

This.....could be interesting.


	2. who in their right mind doesn’t call shotgun while riding with skeletons?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you, sans, and papyrus may be in a car but you’re sure as hell ain’t going anywhere anytime soon

The car ride so far was near unbearable.

The screeching skeleton, who you've come to know is named Papyrus, was now talking your ear off about the so-called ’wonders that pasta does for your skin’ from the front seat.

”Oh really? And how would you know anything about skincare?” you had to keep your voice from a condescending tone since Sans decided to give you a lovely little chat about ’having a bad time’ or something like that. Who threatens their future employee? What is this? The White House?

”A LOT ACTUALLY. I’VE BEEN ON A CLEANSE! I HAVEN’T HAD ANY SKIN IN MY LIFE SINCE I STARTED EATING SPAGHETTI.”

”...You had skin before?”

”WELL, NOT MY SKIN, BUT MY POINT STILL STANDS!”

You were now heavily rethinking your choice to stay with these two now. You poke Sans’ shoulder from the back of the car to wake him up a bit, ”Dude, he's kidding right?”

Sans jolts a bit and gives you a confused look before shaking his head. ”what, papyrus? nahhh he wouldn't hurt a fly.” And immediately after he's asleep. What an ass.

You turn to Papyrus who looks to have been giving you a smug ass look for a bit.

“HM? YOU DIDN’T THINK I WAS SERIOUS DID YOU?”

You laugh and roll your eyes. Maybe he wasn't so bad.

Pause.

Did you just...laugh?

Huh, haven't done that in a while, or at least genuinely.

 

Sans fully wakes up by nightfall (why is this car ride so long? It's not like they live in a different state or something!) and suggests we start playing those classic car games like ’I Spy’ or ’Spot the possible murder location’. You were a master at the second one.

”There! Behind that big ass tree! That shed could totally be in a slasher film.”

”ok but what about that abandoned 11/7? there's be gotta at least 2 people killed there. isolated and abandoned? that's just too good.”

”I THINK YOU BOTH YOU’RE BOTH IGNORING THAT RATHER SPACIOUS TUNNEL OVER BY THE STREAM UP AHEAD! SURE THE SCREAMS WOULD ECHO BUT ITS SECLUDED ENOUGH TO GET THE JOB DONE!”

”...Are you sure you haven't killed anyone before?”

All papyrus does is waggle his brow bones at you.  
Aight then. You see a neighborhood up ahead with a huge fence surrounding it. You were about to say something like ’wOw yOu gUyS LiVe sOmEwHerE LiKe tHiS?’ but then you remember you were offered 10,000 a month to just be their housekeeper, is it really surprising that they live in the rich neighborhood?

”WELL. WELLY WELL. WELLY WELLY WELL.”

”well?”

”WELL!”

”Um? Well?”

”WELL INDEED!”

”why are we saying well again paps?”

”WELLLLLLLLLL, SANS, WE APPEAR TO BE NEARING OUR HOME?”

”ok?” Sans sockets widen then he turns to face you, ”oh! hey uh, (y/n)? how many people are too many people are you willing to live with?”

”Why do you ask?”

”you know how i said we had cousins when we first talked?”

”Not really, but I'll pretend that I do?”

“yeaaaahhh. they’re all kind of...living with us????”

You squint your eyes at him, “...How many?”

“...6”

You choke on air.

“Plus the two of you?!”

“yeah?”

“Dude that’s like 8 people I gotta clean after!”

“yeah????????”

You drag your hand down your face and sigh. Think of the bank you’ll make from it (y/n). Think of the bank.

“Yeah ok.”

“what?”  
“WHAT?”

They share looks as Papyrus pulls up to the security gate. Sans slides him 10G. Of course they would bet on this.

“I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD TAKE IT WELL!”

“Honestly??? I’m a little confused on how someone could live with 6 of their cousins but it’s whatever. You guys seem alright and who the fuck would say no to that pay offer?”

“yeah, that seems about right.”  
“THEY HAVE A POINT.”

The security guard (a purple cat with dyed bangs?????? and you thought skeletons were weird) walks from her station up to the car and asks the two for their ID’s. She gives you a questioning look before  
just shrugging and walking off to open the gate, “Like, have a good night!”

You all finally pull up to their house (which is fucking huge might I add) and you walk out to the front door. Right before Sans has his hand on the door it flys open and just as fast you’re dragged in by another skeleton even taller than papyrus, dressed in the most eye-murdering red and black outfit you’ve seen since 2007.

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I ASKED YOU FIRST!”

“I asked you second!”

Suddenly, you’re surrounded by 5 more skeletons who all look and sound like papyrus but just sliiiightly different.

“SANS! WHOS THIS YOU’VE BROUGHT HOME? IS THIS THE HOOKER I’VE HEARD ABOUT?” one of the shorter skeletons with a bright blue bandana and shoulder pads??? shouts as he takes one of your hands to look at it.

“hooker? i thought it was a housekeeper?” says another, standing next to the one holding your arm. He’s only a little shorter than papyrus, but still pretty tall since he’s towering over you.

“heh, same difference in my book,” a slightly edgier version of the last says from beind you, making you jump. What’s with these guys and scaring you for no reason?!

“YOUR BOOK IS DISGUSTING!” a short skeleton wearing heels(?) screams at the one behind you, stamping his foot to emphasize, what a drama queen.

the last skeleton with a gold tooth just shuffles lazily towards the group and shrugs, “meh, he’s gotta point.” 

 

You’re starting to wonder if the money was really worth it. Actually, scratch that last thought. Money was always worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of the most important things about these kinds of story’s are the nicknames to tell them all apart, and guess what i didn’t think about (hint: it’s the nicknames.)


	3. h-hewwo????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “i’Ll uPdAtE oN eItHeR sUnDaY oR mOnDaY” my ass, sorry for the wait guys back to school season is kicking my ass rn. enjoy this while i get my life together ;))))))

Sans and Papyrus manage to push past the crowd around you and pry anyone grabbing onto you off.  
“CAN YOU ALL PLEASE CALM DOWN FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES? THIS IS (Y/N), OUR NEW HOUSEKEEPER SANS FOUND ON THE STREET!”

One of the taller skeletons in the orange sweater raised a brow bone at that, “so we’re just going to start letting random ass humans live with us now? niiiiice.” The skeleton with the blue bandana standing next to him slapped his arm for his sarcasm. “ow! what the-“

“STRETCH! DON’T BE RACIST! SO WHAT IF OUR HOUSEKEEP IS A HUMAN?”  
“blue, we don't even know what their intentions are! how do we know what their intentions are? don't you remember last time?”  
“LAST TIME- OH MY STARS THAT WAS ONE TIME! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THE FLAME-THROWER???”

“Flame-thrower?” Their heads snap towards you. Did they forget you were even here while arguing about you or something??? Wack. 

The shorter of the two cleared his throat and began shaking your hand very aggressively, “HIYA HUMAN! MY NAMES BLUE, AND MY LAZYBONES BROTHER OVER THERE IS STRETCH! MWEH HEHEH! SORRY ABOUT HIS BAD ATTITUDE THOUGH, HE HASN’T REALLY HAD THE BEST EXPERIENCE WITH HUMANS...BUT I CAN TELL YOU’RE DIFFERENT BY THE LACK OF DANGEROUS OBJECTS ON YOUR PERSON! OH, WE’RE GONNA BE THE BEST OF FRIENDS! WE CAN GO TO THE PARK AND PLAY BOARD GAMES AND TELL EACH OTHER STORIES AND-“

“Dude?”

“-I’LL MAKE YOUR WORK EXPERIENCE THE BEST I CAN! GASP! YOU WON’T EVEN HAVE TO STAY IN THE GUEST ROOM!!! YOU CAN STAY IN MY ROOM SO WE CAN HAVE SLEEPOVERS EVERY NIGHT! AND THEN WE CAN-“

“Dude??” “bro.”

“-GO SHOPPING AND SKATING AND OTHER FUN THINGS BECAUSE WE’RE BEST FRIENDS ALREADY-“

“Uh???” “bro!”  
“HUH?”

“...you were zoning out again.”

Blue looked confused, “I WAS? OH HUMAN IM SO SORRY! I TEND TO GO ON TANGENTS WHEN I’M OVER EXCITED, I DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE! PROMISE!”

The skeleton in heels snorted at that, “ARE YOU SURE? YOU NEARLY BROKE OFF HER HAND WITH ALL OF THAT SHAKING”

Blue squeaked and quickly let go of your hand, which was now slightly tinted purple from how tightly he was holding it. “S-SHUT UP BLACK! YOU’RE NOT ANY BETTER YOURSELF MR.’I-BROKE-A-STORE-CLERKS-LEG’!”

“THAT WAS BECAUSE HE TOUCHED ME! I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE HIS FILTHY HANDS HAD BEEN!”

“HE WAS TRYING TO GIVE YOU YOUR GROCERIES DANGIT!” 

The tallest skeleton, who you’ve dubbed ‘Edgy McFuckface’ in your head, stepped in front of blue to address you. “IF YOU HOOLIGANS ARE DONE CHATTING DOWN THERE-“ “HEY!” “RUDE!” “-I NEED TO HAVE A WORD WITH THE NEW *AHEM* ADDITION TO OUR HOUSEHOLD.”

Edgy McFuckface drags you out of the main room into the kitchen and slams your back into a wall.  
“Ow! What’s your fucking damage dude?!” How the hell was this skeleton so damn strong? He should weigh at least 20 pounds!

“MY ‘DAMAGE’ IS A RANDOM HUMAN IN MY HOUSE. WHATS YOUR GOAL HERE? WHO SENT YOU?!”

“The fuck do you mean ‘wHo sEnT yOu’!?!? Sans found me outside my old job thinking I was a hooker!”  
“DO YOU THINK I’M FUCKING DEAF? OF COURSE I HEARD THAT, I’M ASKING IF YOU SET THIS UP IN ANYWAY. THERE’S NO WAY IN HELL THAT HE MIRACULOUSLY PICKED YOU OF ALL PEOPLE.”

“Of all people?! You got something you wanna say you 7-foot tall doggie toy!?”

“DOGGIE TOY?!?!? DO YOU HAVE A GODDAMN DEATH WISH YOU MOTHER FUCKING PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BE-“ “holy shit can ya shut the fuck up in here? what was the damn point of leaving the room if anyone within a 3-mile radius can still fuckin’ hear ya?”

You direct your attention to the gold-toothed skeleton behind McFuckface, scowling. “It’s not my damn fault  
Fuckface over here thinks shoving people into walls is an ok thing to do to people he just fucking met!”

“shoving people into walls? seriously edge, did ya learn anything from those damn anger-management classes or not?” You snort at that, his name is actually Edge??? You’re a fucking genius.

“BUT THEY-“  
“no.”  
“THEY CALLED ME A-“  
“i don’t wanna hear it.”  
“BUT REEEEEEED!”  
“go to the damn living room ya brat.”

Edge glares at you, and with a huff, he drops you off the wall and walks away, “SIGH. FINE.”

“...Did he really just verbally say the word ‘sigh’ or..?”

Red (or that’s what you heard Edgy Boi call him) walks past you towards the fridge and pulls out a bottle of mustard. Then. He. Drinks it??? This house of horrors is going to be the death of you. “eh, don’t worry about him. fuckers had a temper since he was born.”

You decide to ignore the mustard and reply. “Tch, I figured. But at least he’s not as bad as my last boss, that fucker could scream into outer space about his coffee being too cold.”

“pffft i doubt it. when he even sees a dog he freaks out,” he pauses to take another swing of his mustard (eugh.),” by the way, sans told me to tell ya that you’ll be starting work in about 2 weeks. we’ll need to get ya some proper cleaning supplies though.”

“So what do I do for the next week?”

He only shrugs and walks out of the room. Rude. Not really wanting to stay in their kitchen by yourself, you make your way back into the living room. Everyone stops their chatter as you walk in and turn to you (which is admittedly kinda creepy). Papyrus is the first to break the silence, however, and he walks over to you.

“HUMAN! I HAVE WONDERFUL NEWS! YOUR ROOM HAS ALREADY BEEN CLEARED OUT AND FURNISHED! HOW? I DO NOT KNOW!” Blue is at your side as well, tugging at your arm to follow him up the stairs. When you reach the top of the steps you’re not surprised to see just how big it is, these hoes are rich, of course their house is bigger on the inside.

“So where is my room anyway? There’s like 200 hallways up here.”

“DON’T BE SO DRAMATIC HUMAN! THERE ARE ONLY THREE HALLWAYS, MWE HEH HEH!” Blue shouts, crossing his arms and posing in some sort of power stance. What a weirdo.

You shake your head and chuckle, “That...was the joke.”

“OH.”

Papyrus catches up to you two since he was previously seeing if ‘YOUR ROOM WAS STILL UP TOO HIS MARVELOUS STANDARDS NYEH HEH HEH’ as he put it.

“NOW HUMAN, WE SHALL HAVE A GRAND TOUR OF YOUR NEW ROOM! I DECORATED IT MYSELF OF COURSE!”

When you get to the room, you almost cry. From wall to wall, floor to ceiling, and corner to fucking corner it’s decorated in nothing but Hello Kitty and Paw Patrol merchandise. You look back at Papyrus and he gives you the smuggest look, as if the fucker is proud of himself for making a room fit for royalty.

Blue leans in beside you and whispers (if you can even call it that), “I Helped Decorate It, He Clearly Has No Real Sense Of Style!”, to which he finishes off with a wink. That was the straw that broke the camels back.

You fall to your knees with your mouth agape.

God, just how the fuck did you manage to land yourself here, (Y/N)?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goal: make readers life hell in the dumbest way possible
> 
> (side note: a certian skeleton wasn’t introduced this chapter, i wonder why)

**Author's Note:**

> ;3c


End file.
